I can't sleep. I started reading a new book and it has me both excited and disturbed at the same time. It makes me question all my life choices and wonder what I can do now that they have already been made. What does it mean to be a radical Christ follower, and how do I make that abstraction a reality in my own life. What sort of changes will it require me to make? How do I step out of my comfy suburban box and into the cold hard world? To be honest, I rather enjoy my comfy suburban box. Its got snacks, cable tv, socks and sweaters, and a nice place to bake treats for my friends. (Like cobbler for Lucas in case he is reading this.) I guess I just want to see myself making a difference even if I can't run off to Calcutta at this juncture. I feel like I am on on the verge of change, or more importantly hope. I feel hope stealing into my soul and pushing out the cynical bits one at a time. I don't know what all of this means but I'm looking forward to the opportunity to really show myself and God that I do want to make a difference. I am terrified of letting go of the familiarity of work and daily life, but thrilled at the prospect of making a real difference. It can happen where I am now, or somewhere else. I'm just trying to be open. I'm sick of grinding my teeth in my sleep from the stress and anxiety I've been feeling day to day. I'm trying to take a deep breath in, and slowly let go. Wish me luck or say a prayer.