Sunday, December 28, 2008
So I've been thinking, Miles is 3 weeks old already. Its hard to believe that he is almost a month old. This of course, led me to the realization that I only have 3 weeks left at home with the kids. This makes me sad. I know that my schedule is great when it comes to the kids, and that my work is something I enjoy, but I am seriously sad again when I think about leaving him home. Initially I will only go back 2 days a week for six weeks, but it still saddens me. I don't want to go back to work. I'd rather be home with my kids. We all do what we have to do, and I know I will settle back into a routine, and eventually I will be happy that I have daily adult interaction, but for now I'm mostly wishing that I didn't have to go back to work. :(
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
I am taking a minute to reflect on the blessings that I have been given. I am so blessed to have such a beautiful, healthy family. It has struck me even more so in the past couple of days. Recently a friend of a friend's baby was struck with bacterial meningitis. This baby is 10 weeks old, and it has been a terrible time for them. While I don't know them personally, I ache for them, and pray for them as their daughter fights through this infection. I check their blog daily for updates and am eager to hear that she is doing better. As much as I love and trust God, I don't understand why things like this happen, especially to little innocent people. I ask that anyone who reads this pray for this little girl. Every little bit helps.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Okay, so I know I am a bit of a germaphobe. I like anyone else, hate to be sick. But I think I'm beginning to pass the acceptable level of germaphobia and cross into an unhealthy obssesion. I realize that having a newborn in the house makes it worse, because I worry for him as well as myself. However, I am struggling very much right now. I think that I honestly worry so much about getting sick that I make myself sick. Currently, there are several wicked viruses making their rounds through work, extended family, and church. Luckily, with a newborn, I have avoided all the people that are sick, by staying home on maternity leave. Some day soon I will have to venture out of my bedroom sanctuary and expose not only myself, but my new son to the germs all around. I can deal with a cold. Somehow, those are not nearly as frightening. What I am TERRIFIED of is a stomach virus. I hate throwing up, though I am better with it now since I threw up so much during the first trimester of my most recent pregnancy, but the thought of throwing up and caring for my newborn scares the crap out of me. Still worse is the thought of him getting sick. Why is it so scary for me? I'm having anxiety just typing about it? And why is a stomach bug so much worse, its usually over in less than a day, while a cold can turn into sinus infections, bronchitis, and ear infections and last well over a week. How do I make this unnecesary worry leave me? It comes in waves. There will be times in my life where I don't worry about it as much. And then there are times like now where thinking about it causes me to panic. Pray for me...I think I may be mentally unstable. Perhaps its the hormones readjusting thats causing me to stress unduly. Who knows. This too shall pass. . .along with my nights of constantly interrupted sleep. I'm a zombie, maybe that has something to do with it as well.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
So yesterday's contractions turned out to be nothing. Then of course around 1 am today, they come back with a vengance. They are a bit more intense, and I'm actually considering waking Jeremy up and making him get up with me just in case. I don't want to be dumb though and over think every thing. I never went into the hospital with false labor with Maggie, so I feel sort of silly getting so worked up about this one since she was my first and I feel like I should know better. But the contractions aren't letting me sleep, and I don't even have my bag fully packed yet. Ugh, this being a woman thing is tricky. Why can't we just know everything we are supposed to know?
So I am not sure I remember what labor feels like. I'm afraid I'll miss it somehow. Like I'll just be so busy that I won't realize its happening. Until I woke up at like 3am this morning with some definite contraction action going on. Now, I'm not sure that I'm actually in labor, but the contractions are strong enough that they are waking me up in the middle of the night, and that says something right? Maybe it just means I am on the right road. Anyway, its 5:34 AM, and I'm sick of getting in and out of bed due to the discomfort, so I just got up. I'm downstairs in the living room by myself hanging out, watching the channel five news, and messing around on the computer. I wish I could just speed things up so I can know whether they are going to continue to get stronger and closer together, or whether I just need to keep chugging water and get ready for work. Man, if life wasn't such a mystery! So I just wait. Wait.