Monday, September 27, 2010

I am a sentimental (wo)man

Ok, I'm not generally a sentimental woman, but there are 2 things that get the sentiment flowing in this lady's heart.
1. Fall
2. Being pregnant

I am not sure why it is, but fall stirs something inside me. It makes me reminiscent. Being pregnant makes me weepy and sappy, so this fall in particular, I am a sentimental mess. In my current state you will find me missing many things:
1. Cherry Cola Now 'n Laters, a fall candy that is no longer produced. Its not fair to be pregnant and crave the impossible.
2. Home. I miss Joliet, and the crummy old house on Campbell St.
3. Dan's caramel apples
4. Linda's Pizza
5. Joliet Central football
6. My mom being around for my birthday
7. Being around for my mom's birthday
8. Mom's comfort food
9. Regular Now n Laters
10. CYC
11. The crappy old minivan I drove around in high school with the door that would fall off. So fun!
12. I was lovingly reminded today by my cube-mate at work how good Merichka's is. . . thanks Matt. Now I miss that too.
13. So many people that I care about spread out all over the country. If I could gather you up in one place for one night to wear jammies, stay up late talking, and watch stupid girl movies sans, you know I would. I hope you know who you are.

Things I am sentimental about and am currently enjoying
1. Joe Purdy's CD - 4th of July. If you don't have it, get it. Its perfect open the windows and let the cool breeze blow kind of music. Even though its entitled 4th of July, its all fall to me baby.
2. Watching my daughter marvel at the changing leaves and fall.
3. Chasing Miles around in his fake leather jacket from Target that makes him look like such a stud. Yes I spent too much money on it, but every guy needs a cool jacket. Lucas Motley would agree, and he would be proud. I'll post pictures soon.
4. Being on, hopefully the tale end of this pregnancy sickness, and being able to cook dinner occasionally.
5. All my shows being back on TV.
6. All the possibilities of life.
7. God always changing my heart.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


I may not be a smart woman, but I know what exhaustion is. I am beginning to question my own sanity, and this post will be one that allows me to vent. I am sure I will look back on it and say, "Oh Sam, it wasn't THAT bad."

Let me begin by saying that I love my children dearly! I really do. This combination of head cold, pregnancy sickness and hormones, exhaustion due to sick children not sleeping, and still trying to keep up at home and work is NOT a flattering combination for me. I look terrible. I feel slightly worse than I look, and I have no patience.

My daughter has told me several times that I am mean. I expect this. Parents are always mean at some point. One night she prayed that God would give me a better day tomorrow and just make me really really really happy. I take that as an indication of that day. Not a good sign right? She woke up from a nap the other day, and kept looking at me funny. When I asked why, she merely said, "I love you mommy. You are sweet." When I replied that she did not think I was sweet early that day, she explained, using both hands like her father, that not only did a nap replace her energy and make her in a better mood, but nap time and night time makes mommies in a better mood too. I was deemed no longer sour, but sweet. So for as much as my children drain me during this time, they also encourage me.

I truly am beginning to wonder what I was thinking about a third. We really had gotten to a point of ease and comfort and now who knows what we are in for? Am I crazy? Is it normal to jump into a stage of serious doubt when weeks ago I would have told you exactly how SURE I was about a 3rd baby? I'm overwhelmed and not feeling well and my children are too smart for me. I'm not sure how they stay just one step ahead of me. With the throwing of spaghettios on the floor just before I get to them, or needing a bath on the off night due to yogurt in the hair, or the washing sheets in the middle night due to a cough induced barfing incident. I am worn OUT! And this third one hasn't really even done anything yet. We have so much to look forward to and so much to fear. Someone reassure me. I'm scared.