Friday, November 20, 2009

Verbal Diarrhea

I'm going to be honest. My mouth sometimes gets me into trouble. I have the tendency to say what I am thinking or crack a joke without actually working through the consequences of my vebal outpour. Most of the time it is well-received and clearly said with the best of intentions. Most people I know, know my heart and understand where I am coming from. Here is the punch to the gut though. The internet. When it comes to blogging, facebook, email, etc., that is when I get into real trouble. I say the same things that I would in person, except they are in print. People can read them over and over again. It can catch you on a bad day. You can't read the sarcasm or frivolity unless I type (sarcasm) or (said frivolously and without seriousness.) Do you see where I'm headed here? The internet has made it easy to say and feel everything, and not only that but to document it. And the biggest problem is that it lives on. We can delete it, but we have already given worlds of people the opportunity to absorb it. They comment on it, and give their unneeded opinion as well. But when you put it out there, you are asking for it. There have been several ocassions where I have found myself in hot water. Times where I have blogged in a fit of pregnancy hormones and frustration. Work didn't like that too much. There have been emails sent out, completely misconstrued due to the lack of emotional and interactive context. There have been posts or status updates that prompted hurtful and threatening responses. And I wonder where this all gets us. Its great that technology allows us to track and share so much, but I'm beginning to wonder how much it is negatively affecting relationships. Its alot easier to get upset with someone if they text or email you and you read into it wrong, than if they speak with you and you can hear genuine sincerity in their voice. Even better if you talk with someone in person,feel the emotion in their words, and see it on their faces. I've made a strong effort to control my verbal diarrhea and to save drafts of posts in my blog to re-read before throwing them into cyber space. Still, I have my moments. I guess this blog is to urge people, including myself to not only think long and hard about what they put out into this mess of cyber-world, but to also think long and hard about who is saying what. If you know a person and you are terribly upset by something random they threw on their blog or your Facebook page, remember who they are. Remember their heart. Don't let the clickety clack of the key board be the basis for your judgement. Know your friends, know their hearts, and take a breath before you let their printed word upset you.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Time flies

As I am rounding the bend to a 3rd birthday for my wonderful daughter, I can't help but worry about time going by way too fast. It wasn't long ago that she was a helpless infant lying in my arms. Now she is this strong-willed, creative, imaginative little imp that exudes a strange confidence I have never seen in a little girl before. I wonder where she came from? Truly, I wonder who she will be. She is adventurous and sassy, and I can't believe that she has already been with us nearly 3 whole years. . .I thank God for her every day. I pray to God for patience for her every day. She is trying and silly and funny and smart. She is everything I could have hoped for in a daughter, and also something more that I dreamed. I love this girl with a fierceness that I had not known until she existed. God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. I just hope that I can do right by her.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Change, change, and more change

Ok, so I'm trying to work through some mentally trying things the past few weeks. There is just so much going on lately, and its really begun to affect my mood. Normally, I think its fair to describe me as perky, optimistic, obnoxiously hilarious, etc. But lately I've been flat out crabby, irritable, and at times, I can admit, pretty unpleasant to be around. Try as I might, I just can't seem to put a finger on it. There is no one thing pushing me to be so crabby, its just the state I'm in as of late. What is even more frustrating is that I can't fix it. I try to will myself into pleasantness, coax myself into a smile and instead of happy, I find myself to be angry for having to try to push myself into being pleasant when I want to just bite someone's head off. I've wondered if its lack of sleep, but really, my kids sleep through the night almost every night, with the ocassional sickness or bad dream busting things up. I've wondered if its some other stress, but I don't think that's it either. So I'll just keep pushing forward in hopes that the things around me get better. I'll pray so that my soul gets nourished, and I'll try to soak up what is left of the nice weather we have been having, before the weather itself is enough to push me into a lack of Vitamin D induced coma. Has anyone else ever felt this way? What did you do about it??

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


God knows. He holds us. When everything is falling apart. He holds us.