Thursday, February 28, 2008
Good old Georgie. As if he hasn't siphened enough of our civil liberities into his pocket. Now he wants a blanket law allowing all international phone calls to be tapped. I hope no one wants to call their ailing grandmother who is not in her right mind. Hopefully she won't mention anything from the past about wars or those other words we can't say in the airport. I'm am extremely interested to see how America fairs with a new president. We can't do a total 180 without screwing up a lot of crap, but we are already in the crapper as it is. I'm not sure where our world is going to, and I'm really unsure of what is going to happen to us as a country. We seem to be struggling, and what are we citizens to do? Are there better choices in the new mix? I'm not so sure. I guess we all have our faults. Being president is a tough job. I noticed today how much older George looks than when he started. Granted its been about 8 years, but he really looks old. I can't imagine the stress the president must feel, but then again. . .
Friday, February 22, 2008
I can't sleep. I started reading a new book and it has me both excited and disturbed at the same time. It makes me question all my life choices and wonder what I can do now that they have already been made. What does it mean to be a radical Christ follower, and how do I make that abstraction a reality in my own life. What sort of changes will it require me to make? How do I step out of my comfy suburban box and into the cold hard world? To be honest, I rather enjoy my comfy suburban box. Its got snacks, cable tv, socks and sweaters, and a nice place to bake treats for my friends. (Like cobbler for Lucas in case he is reading this.) I guess I just want to see myself making a difference even if I can't run off to Calcutta at this juncture. I feel like I am on on the verge of change, or more importantly hope. I feel hope stealing into my soul and pushing out the cynical bits one at a time. I don't know what all of this means but I'm looking forward to the opportunity to really show myself and God that I do want to make a difference. I am terrified of letting go of the familiarity of work and daily life, but thrilled at the prospect of making a real difference. It can happen where I am now, or somewhere else. I'm just trying to be open. I'm sick of grinding my teeth in my sleep from the stress and anxiety I've been feeling day to day. I'm trying to take a deep breath in, and slowly let go. Wish me luck or say a prayer.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
The sun discourages me. I look out the window and am filled with a false sense of warmth. I walk outside and its still frickin cold. When the heck is it going to warm up? Seasonal depression is setting in. I need a vacation. Perhaps someplace warm. . .anyone can come, there's only one string attached. You have to pay for me to go. :) I hope that it stops snowing soon. This winter seems like it is never going to end.
Friday, February 8, 2008
I watched candles burn today. I watched them melt, pool, melt again, pool over hardened wax that had previously spilled onto the table cloth. I watched, thinking all the while, how like life that is. Events occur, melting you with heartache, pooling over solid scars left from earlier bouts of pain. Events occur, melting you with joy, pooling over solid foundations of previous celebrations, moments of thanksgiving. Daily monotony occurs, melting you with boredom, pooling over your routine, hardening again and again over the sameness that invades daily life. Life is constant melting, re-hardening, shaping into forms that we cannot predict. I saw how one candle would melt steadily, but by itself made no new shapes. It slowly melted, wax disappearing tiny amounts at a time until there was little left. A wick. An empty metal tray. Closed off, alone, and all by itself. But four small candles next to each other burned and overflowed onto each others' wax, until you could hardly tell where one candle ended and another began. Thats how life should be, melting over with each others' hurts and joys. Melting away each others' doldrums. Using our lights to help melt and reshape each other for better.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Trust is a funny thing. I went to a conference this weekend about generosity in the Christian life and I was moved. It was awesome, and it really helped me to feel confident in God's provision for me. Sometimes things change in life, and they really require you to put total trust in God. Some things at work may be re-structured in terms of positions and responsibilities. My first instinct was to freak out, but just five minutes later I had a peace. I just know that God is going to take care of us, whatever it means. If it means that concessions take place and compromises are made, I know that will be fine. If it means that things change and I can no longer continue in the exact same place as I am, then I know that will be fine. Its strange for me to have such a peace about this situation. Normally I would freak out and be compulsively taking whatever action I thought might change things, trying to make plans to ensure that everything continue to work out exactly as I think it should. But its not about me. (I am finally getting it!) I know that God is good, and I am blessed beyond my own comprehension. Everything will work out to glorify God and show what He can do. How blessed am I to be a part of His story!