Thursday, September 2, 2010

Blah

I may not be a smart woman, but I know what exhaustion is. I am beginning to question my own sanity, and this post will be one that allows me to vent. I am sure I will look back on it and say, "Oh Sam, it wasn't THAT bad."

Let me begin by saying that I love my children dearly! I really do. This combination of head cold, pregnancy sickness and hormones, exhaustion due to sick children not sleeping, and still trying to keep up at home and work is NOT a flattering combination for me. I look terrible. I feel slightly worse than I look, and I have no patience.

My daughter has told me several times that I am mean. I expect this. Parents are always mean at some point. One night she prayed that God would give me a better day tomorrow and just make me really really really happy. I take that as an indication of that day. Not a good sign right? She woke up from a nap the other day, and kept looking at me funny. When I asked why, she merely said, "I love you mommy. You are sweet." When I replied that she did not think I was sweet early that day, she explained, using both hands like her father, that not only did a nap replace her energy and make her in a better mood, but nap time and night time makes mommies in a better mood too. I was deemed no longer sour, but sweet. So for as much as my children drain me during this time, they also encourage me.

I truly am beginning to wonder what I was thinking about a third. We really had gotten to a point of ease and comfort and now who knows what we are in for? Am I crazy? Is it normal to jump into a stage of serious doubt when weeks ago I would have told you exactly how SURE I was about a 3rd baby? I'm overwhelmed and not feeling well and my children are too smart for me. I'm not sure how they stay just one step ahead of me. With the throwing of spaghettios on the floor just before I get to them, or needing a bath on the off night due to yogurt in the hair, or the washing sheets in the middle night due to a cough induced barfing incident. I am worn OUT! And this third one hasn't really even done anything yet. We have so much to look forward to and so much to fear. Someone reassure me. I'm scared.

3 comments:

Jeremy Schwartz said...

Sam,

I offer these words of reassurance as a man married to a woman with 3 children - 3 wonderful children and of course a fantastic wife.

I think what you are going through is completely normal. We found that the third was really a test of faith, endurance, strength, hope, and love. We were pretty scared with the third because we obviously felt out numbered. But the truth of the matter is that the third will bring not only more sacrifice into your life but also much much more reward and more so if you stick to taking your journey with God, your husband, church, family and friends. You were not meant to do this journey alone and you should not. Do not fear to ask for help when you need it.

The one thing Lisa and I have begun to realize is that as our children grow older day by day it does get easier from the energy point of view so hang in there - God will sustain you.

By the way, what a fantastic testimony of your daughter's faith in God and at such a young age - what a blessing!

Best regards and prayers,

Jeremy

Abby said...

I've heard that the transition to three is easier than the transition to two because the older two have each other to entertain. I have no idea, though. Obviously. I'm in the same terrified boat. Why do you think we only have one? Can't turn off my brain long enough to get pregnant with another. :)

It will be amazing, of that I'm sure. You are super mom! And three kids might mean three times the work, but it also means three times the JOY. And I think we can agree that's worth it.

Love you, praying for you.

Blogging Molly said...

For the most part, it will be fine. I'm not gonna lie and say it'll be perfect. There will be moments when you will wonder what the freak you were thinking. There will be moments when you will want to run away and not come back. There will be moments when you don't feel like there is enough of you to go around and that will make you sad. But then there will be moments where everyone is playing in the back yard and laughing, when they ask to have a sleepover because the family dog just died and they want each other for company and support, when you're all snuggled on one sofa just reading together.... all of those great moments make all of the not great ones so worth it. I promise you that. You will be tired, but you will be happy. Welcome to the club! There's no turning back!!! :)