Seriously?

Over the course of time I have recently tried and am continuing to try to get into the whole super couponing process. So far this has gone well. It has increased my junk mail in my email by a ton, but in doing so has provided me with extra deals that I would normally miss. I am signed up for Jewel's shopper program, and I have to question this particular promotion. See the ad below and tell me if you think its worth it to purchase 10 boxes of hamburger helper to save $1 on your 11th box? I don't know. . .


http://ebm.e.jewelosco.com/c/tag/hBNZtFjB8VzMuB8YQO0AABOpLl3/doc.html?t_params=EMAIL%3Dscowt23%2540hotmail.com%26FNAME%3DValued%2520Shopper%26PASSWORD%3DB8VzMuAABOpLBNZtFjS0Rmi73pFIW3%26STORENUMBER%3D3345

T-8 days to T-Day

I love Thanksgiving. I love the promise of turkey, mashed potatoes covered in gravy, sweet potatoes, and all the other sides that threaten to touch each other on my plate. (That part I don't like). Which brings me to one thing, and one thing only. Cranberry sauce. I have seen a million recipes for homemeade cranberry sauce lately. I am all about making things from scratch, but I have NO, count it, NO interest in homemade lumpy, chunky, citrusy, winey, or any other homemade variation of cranberry sauce. Give me the smooth texture of the kind that plops onto a plate, out of a can, complete with those lovely ridges that tell you where to slice it. I've tried other cranberry sauce, and for some reason, I always come back to this staple. Its not just for Thanksgiving either. I eat it with TONS of stuff, and its amazing on a turkey sandwhich post-holiday. Maybe this makes me white trash. Maybe this makes me stupid. I am who I am, but I LOVE CANNED CRANBERRY SAUCE.

A Predisposition to Love

With all the discussion of bullying taking place, and the attention focusing on gay/lesbian teens and their struggle in the world today, I feel as though I must say something.

As a parent, I feel that I am predisposed to LOVE my children. There are many things they do that might annoy me in my weakest moments. How they yell and demand, as I'm hunched over the toilet praying for the end of morning sickness. But I am built to love them, no matter what. I find the parents that torture and demean their children repugnant, and purely disgusting. There is no excuse to dismiss your child, be they 2 years old, or 22 years old.

All the more though, as a Christ follower, I am predisposed to love all people. It is beyond my right and responsibility as a such, to judge, demean, criticize, and push any gay or lesbian person into that feeling of desparation that so many find themselves. It is my joy and my responsibility to love wrecklessly, each person, for who they are. It is my honor to support and spend time in community with all of the children God loves, and He does love them all.

I ache for anyone who feels lost and alone, and yearn for the souls that find themselves questioning the value of life, and whether theirs is worth living at all. It tears me up inside to think that people could even wonder that at all. While I myself, despite the circumstances I have been thrown into, have never even thought of suicide as an option, I break for those who do. When will we as Christ followers see that it is our responsibility to stop the hate and promote love?

I am a sentimental (wo)man

Ok, I'm not generally a sentimental woman, but there are 2 things that get the sentiment flowing in this lady's heart.
1. Fall
2. Being pregnant

I am not sure why it is, but fall stirs something inside me. It makes me reminiscent. Being pregnant makes me weepy and sappy, so this fall in particular, I am a sentimental mess. In my current state you will find me missing many things:
1. Cherry Cola Now 'n Laters, a fall candy that is no longer produced. Its not fair to be pregnant and crave the impossible.
2. Home. I miss Joliet, and the crummy old house on Campbell St.
3. Dan's caramel apples
4. Linda's Pizza
5. Joliet Central football
6. My mom being around for my birthday
7. Being around for my mom's birthday
8. Mom's comfort food
9. Regular Now n Laters
10. CYC
11. The crappy old minivan I drove around in high school with the door that would fall off. So fun!
12. I was lovingly reminded today by my cube-mate at work how good Merichka's is. . . thanks Matt. Now I miss that too.
13. So many people that I care about spread out all over the country. If I could gather you up in one place for one night to wear jammies, stay up late talking, and watch stupid girl movies sans, you know I would. I hope you know who you are.

Things I am sentimental about and am currently enjoying
1. Joe Purdy's CD - 4th of July. If you don't have it, get it. Its perfect open the windows and let the cool breeze blow kind of music. Even though its entitled 4th of July, its all fall to me baby.
2. Watching my daughter marvel at the changing leaves and fall.
3. Chasing Miles around in his fake leather jacket from Target that makes him look like such a stud. Yes I spent too much money on it, but every guy needs a cool jacket. Lucas Motley would agree, and he would be proud. I'll post pictures soon.
4. Being on, hopefully the tale end of this pregnancy sickness, and being able to cook dinner occasionally.
5. All my shows being back on TV.
6. All the possibilities of life.
7. God always changing my heart.

Blah

I may not be a smart woman, but I know what exhaustion is. I am beginning to question my own sanity, and this post will be one that allows me to vent. I am sure I will look back on it and say, "Oh Sam, it wasn't THAT bad."

Let me begin by saying that I love my children dearly! I really do. This combination of head cold, pregnancy sickness and hormones, exhaustion due to sick children not sleeping, and still trying to keep up at home and work is NOT a flattering combination for me. I look terrible. I feel slightly worse than I look, and I have no patience.

My daughter has told me several times that I am mean. I expect this. Parents are always mean at some point. One night she prayed that God would give me a better day tomorrow and just make me really really really happy. I take that as an indication of that day. Not a good sign right? She woke up from a nap the other day, and kept looking at me funny. When I asked why, she merely said, "I love you mommy. You are sweet." When I replied that she did not think I was sweet early that day, she explained, using both hands like her father, that not only did a nap replace her energy and make her in a better mood, but nap time and night time makes mommies in a better mood too. I was deemed no longer sour, but sweet. So for as much as my children drain me during this time, they also encourage me.

I truly am beginning to wonder what I was thinking about a third. We really had gotten to a point of ease and comfort and now who knows what we are in for? Am I crazy? Is it normal to jump into a stage of serious doubt when weeks ago I would have told you exactly how SURE I was about a 3rd baby? I'm overwhelmed and not feeling well and my children are too smart for me. I'm not sure how they stay just one step ahead of me. With the throwing of spaghettios on the floor just before I get to them, or needing a bath on the off night due to yogurt in the hair, or the washing sheets in the middle night due to a cough induced barfing incident. I am worn OUT! And this third one hasn't really even done anything yet. We have so much to look forward to and so much to fear. Someone reassure me. I'm scared.

Today

Today is what Jeremy and I like to call our fake anniversary. For those who don't know, we got married twice. Shortly after my mom died, living arrangements had to change suddenly, and with Jeremy living in the church parsonage, my choices were somewhat limited. We consulted with the pastor, and all agreed that it would be totally fine for us to marry 2 months early. And so our adventure began. We went and got the marriage license, and waited for Friday to come. That Friday, Jeremy took a half day at work, and so did I! A half day to go get married. We dressed up, and drove to the Dupage County Courthouse, where we were given a number and told to wait. Couple number 19 sat (that was us), and watched the room full of other couples. Some of them were obviously pregnant, doing the shot gun wedding thing, with a bridal party in full dress. Some were dressed in jeans and shirts, looking like they were out at Applebee's. We were dressed up, with Melanie there to be our witness. They called our name, and we went into a bland court room, where a judge married us. When we came out, a cute little old lady volunteer was there to take our picture. Post wedding, we headed for a fancy lunch to celebrate, at the Olive Garden. What a great day. 6 years ago today I married my wonderful husband. I love him more every day.

6 years

Yesterday marked the 6th year anniversary of my mother's tragic death, and I can hardly believe all that time has past. To say that the past 6 years have been eventful is an understatement. They have been packed to the gills with change, love, friends, and family. I truly couldn't be more blessed in that respect. I have such an appreciation of all that I have gained in these 6 years. Perspective has been given to me that I might not have attained if things had gone differently. For all that I have gained though, its hard not to acknowledge what I have been missing all this time.

Things that I miss:
1. Her laugh. I miss that Jeremy and I could always set her laughing, without being able to stop.
2. Her calling me to say Happy Birthday. I remember that my senior year of college, she waited until 10:30 to call me because she thought I'd be busy. Little did she know I was very upset, and crying because I thought she'd forgot. I guess I didn't realize that would be the last birthday wish I would get.
3. I missed getting to see the look on her face when she saw my kids. They are beautiful, and there is no doubt in my mind that she would have loved them dearly, and they would have loved her just as much, if not more.
4. The way she smelled. I actually grew up not really liking the perfume she wore, but sometimes I catch the scent of her in the grocery store, and it nearly brings me to my knees. Knowing full well that its probably some other lady wearing her perfume or using patchouli oil, I can't help but think she's brushed past me.
5. Her loyalty and love of people. She was one of the most accepting and loving people I've known. Though she could be quick to anger, she was just as quick to reconcile and forgive. I'm so thankful that I inherited that quality from her.
6. Her reminders of what is important in life, and money definitely never was.

I hope to dance, bake, craft, and play with my children the way she did. I hope that someday, my children will like being around me so much that they fake a tummy ache to spend a solitary day in my company, as I did with her.

Its funny, that in passing a comment on my status of 6 years since her death struck me. It said, "Six years and you are still dealing with stuff." I am. In so many ways. I don't think there will be a certain number of years that will past and I will reach the finish line of dealing with what has happened. I think you forever reprocess and rethink such an event. It changes you forever, and I think it keeps changing you.

I miss my mom, and I aspire to be the person she would have wanted me to be. I hope that I can make her proud.