Friday, May 14, 2010


When I don't measure up to much in this life, I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ.

- Sanctus Real

I've been struggling with issues of character and trying to figure out and define myself. Who am I in Christ? How do I keep those around me from crushing my spirit, or demeaning my character? The truth is, I don't know. Though some may not realize it, and though I may not always present myself as such, I am a sensitive person. I am empathetic in ways that I wish I was not. Sometimes when I am reading a book or watching one of my shows, I can't separate myself from the characters. My emotions as I watch their tragedies unfold, are very real to me. Sometimes I carry a particularly stressful or sad show or book around with me for days. So imagine what it does to me when I am hurt in real life. I think in general I come off as a no nonsense, sarcastic, take no crap kind of girl, and in a way I am, but I am my biggest critic. I over analyze everything I do or say, and it has happened many times, that I let someone talk me into believing something about myself that I know to be false. I question myself daily. And it saddens me that I let myself forget my worth and the real me, at the hands of people who are no more figured out than I am.

My goal is to remember that, while it matters what others think. It is important who I am to myself, my family, and my dearest friends, and I hope it can only continue to flow into other areas of my life. I just hope to be true and decent. God give me grace and mercy.

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