A Word about The Hills Premiere (Premiere Spoilers Beware)

For those of you looking for a deep entry in the series of Sam blogs, stop reading now. I don't want to disappoint you as much as I am disappointed in the Hills. Color me super-disappointed. I haven't been so disappointed in a series premiere since Seventh Heaven dropped its last openers, both times. Don't get me wrong. I do understand that probably the most real thing in this reality show is the script they go by. I felt like this episode was more staged than ever. Seriously, Lauren, a priceless dress that you just happened to leave on top of a hot curling iron, and just in the nick of time you get the designer to give you an entirely different ball gown an hour before the gala. SERIOUSLY! And Heidi, a word for you my dear. . .take a few acting classes. I think it will help your anger come off as much more. . .how should I phrase this? Believable? Argh, and to think I had set so much hope in this season. I thought I would be thrilled to see Heidi say goodbye to Spencer. I thought that Paris would be exciting, but were these guys they ran into the best that the producers could find for the girls? I have to say, this may be enough for me to stop watching. . .a shout out to Mariah Carey for providing the entertainment post-show though. Has any other series premiere been accompanied by live performances? Guess they had to make up for the lack of content somehow.
I'm going to go sleep off my disappointment. Peace.

A new perspective

I have been reading alot lately. Mostly Christ following authors struggling and working out what it truly means to have a relationship with God through Jesus. And while I may come off as downright sentimental, I have to say, that I am truly falling in love with God all over again. I just adore Jesus, his teachings, and the way he lived his life. I admire his compassion and patience with people. As I see my own love for people growing daily, I can only chalk it up to my renewed excitement in following Christ. I am enjoying others' company so much more than I have in such a long time. I feel truly, and joyfully, obligated to encourage and help people around me. I am excited to see God at work in my own life, and in the lives of my friends. I am viewing struggles and trials in new ways. I see the potential for growth in every challenge that falls into my path. I have a renewed peace about God's will for my life. I see in my friends the spirit of God, in their dedication to him in difficult times and I am encouraged in my own struggles. More and more I am learning that it is not just about saying a prayer, but it is about meeting needs. It is about showing people that we cannot ever be complete, and that by looking for acceptance through others' perceptions of us will only bring us pain and more questions. I know that this is a somewhat rambling entry, but I am excited. I guess I just hope, in a way, to share this excitement with those around me.

God Has a Funny Way

So, God has a funny way of taking the control out of our hands. I am going to give you an example. Ever since my mom's passing, there has been tension, to describe it minimally, among family members on my mother's side. Of late I have been praying about what action I should be taking to make amends or at least be clear that I have moved beyond the things that have happened. So, God decided I was being a baby about it, and took it out of my hands. You may be thinking, well thats great, they called you, you feel better, isn't it cool how God works things out? Haha. If there is any doubt that God has a sense of humor, enter Sam and her ever continual ability to make stupid mistakes. Case in point, I need to get ahold of my friend Becky from work to find out what my schedule looks like for next week. So I grab my cell and scroll to Becky, hit send and think I am on my way. A strange voice answers and I ask for Becky. The voice says this is Becky, and I, flustered, say, I think I have the wrong number and hang up. After said action, I am puzzled, but figure out I accidentally called my mom's sister Becky, who I haven't spoken with in about a year and a half. Meanwhile, as I am trying to call Becky from work, my aunt is trying to call me back, as I hear a beep and see on the caller ID that this is so. However, I am already flustered and on the other line so I don't answer. She leaves no voicemail, and I am left the rest of the night wondering whether to call back and apologize or whether just to let it be. So I made the resolve today to call her back and to my great relief I got her voicemail and left her a message explaining the situation and apologizing for hanging up on her. So God put me on a new path without even consulting me. Sometimes its nicer when we don't have to do it ourselves, however scary and emotional it may end up being. As I said in my previous post though, sometimes I prefer easy over what is good for me. My life is a sitcom waiting to be screen tested.

Business of life consumes me

So, its been awhile since I have posted. I have been consumed with all the little things that chase me. With visitors in town, work and household chores, I hardly feel as though I have a minute to myself. My mind is constantly going a million miles a minute, and I feel like I'm having heart palpatations. Whenever I lay down to sleep my heart races along with my thoughts. I don't know why I've been worrying so lately. I need to just relax and let it go. Let it all go. I really feel like when I get into the word and I'm really committing time to God, that I start to get stressed. I should know by now that its not just me. There are powers at work against God. Since I am trying to follow God, that means that I need to be prepared to combat those thoughts, feelings, and powers. Its just so much easier to give in. And sometimes I want easy instead of what is good for me.

On a positive note, I took Maggie outside today to spend time in the sunshine. It was fun. She wrote with sidewalk chalk. We splashed in puddles. I chased her away from the street. She chased the neighbors dog. We had fun. It made me realize how fast time flies. This time last year, all she could really do was crawl around and lay in her car seat. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up tomorrow and Maggie is going to be 16.

Cursed from generation to generation

I've been reading through the old testament, and I have noticed more than once, God's promise to curse people far past their own generation. He promises to curse them from generation to generation. I've heard pastors speak on cycles of sin that permeate through families from generation to generation. I see it in my own family. It frightens me. Being one of the very few in my family choosing to walk in the Christian faith, I struggle with all that has happened within my family. Lying, cheating, stealing, alcoholism, drug addiction, murder. When and where does it end. I feel like my family is a microcosm of the world. My brother is going through hard times with his wife, and she is filing for divorce. He is making statements that sound so familiar and scary. So similar to what ran through my ears four years ago. I am powerless to stop anything from happening, and can only pray that he gets right with God and himself. I guess I need to come to terms with the fact that I cannot break the cycle for someone else, only for myself and my family. I see the difference in my life from my brother and my sister. I'm hopeful for them, and continually praying that things can change for them, but so much of it lies in their choices. They know the truth, but its a matter of choosing to do what they know is right. I can't tell them what to do. I can only pray.

Simple pleasures

I'm glad its March. I went for a walk today that absolutely left my feet wet and my dog a muddy mess, but it was glorious. The smell in the air of potential. The rushing streams of melting snow in the street. I know its all a teaser, but it gives us something to hope for. The hope of spring. I'm glad its March. February was too long this year. I'm glad its March. I am not glad that tomorrow is Monday, but I am glad that tomorrow is not February.