Its taken me some time to think and figure out what my blog should be about. I still haven't fully decided. But I think above all, I will just use it to share whats going on in my mind and spirit. I've just joined a women's group at church, and I am really excited about the opportunity to connect with other Christian women. I feel as though God is using this time to renew my spirit. I've struggled with my faith and questioned my purpose ever since my mom passed. For a long time, I felt very disconnected from God. Its just now that I feel like I am beginning to grow again. One thing that I've struggled with, within my walk, is faith. I think overall, with everything that happened with my mom, I don't trust God anymore. I know that sounds harsh, almost brutal. Now I realize it for what it is, and I am beginning to build a trust again, knowing that God has no plans to harm me. It wasn't God that made things happen, it was this world of sin and pain that made it happen. Now I need to give everything up again, and relinquish control back to the only One that really ever had any. I'm finally at peace in my heart again, and I'm looking forward to figuring out what God has in store for me. I'm renewing my vision, and praying for God to show me how he wants me to serve. Something at church that really struck me today, as we focused on Jim Elliot's life was this quote.
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. "
- Jim Elliot
Its so true, and now that we have bought a car, I really need to trust that God is going to provide for us. I worry about money alot, perhaps because I never had any growing up. I'm so afraid of what will happen if I don't put exactly the amount into savings that I want to. But that quote helped me to realize that none of what I have is mine anyway. And there are so many more things waiting for me that I can never lose. I can't wait to see what lies ahead.
