Today I had another moment of realizing how completely alone and frustrated I am. With constant foot pain, my physical activities are limited. I had a really dumb down morning and got mad at the two little kids for pretty much just doing what two little kids do. Then, with our efforts of breaking the littlest little of her pacifier, I decided to make one of those 30 minute trips to the shoe store sans binky. I spent at least that long trying on gym shoes, and all my effort was in vain. No pair of shoes fit comfortably with my orthotics, and my children acted like miniature demons while in the shoe store. Never again will I endeavor to purchase a pair of shoes with children in tow. Upon buckling all the kids into the car I promptly began to cry. Which was fine with Margot since she was already screaming like a banshee because she didn't have a pacifier.
Poor, poor Miles. Margot screamed the entire way home, and even more upon me removing her from the vehicle in a frustrated manner. Everything in me was SCREAMING, "GO GET MCDONALD'S, IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. A CHEESY, DELICIOUS MCDOUBLE AND A HOT, SALTY LARGE FRY WITH A COKE." It took every ounce of strength with in me to turn the corner into our subdivision instead of caving to my emotional eating. Its taking every ounce of strength within me not to hide in the bathroom with a blanket and the gallon ziploc bag of chocolate chip cookies I made for the kids the other day. Today I am sad, and I'm fighting stuffing my emotions with food. :(
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
My windows are super foggy
For all of you that don't know, I have recently relocated to Kissimmee, Florida. It has been an adventure of sorts. We have been here since the first week of December, and though I'm pretty outgoing, and of course SUPER likable, I'm still fairly lonely. So I am stretching myself further outside my comfort zone to meet people. So far I have met one friend here in the area, a unconventional sort of meeting. Well, not really. We both were taking our kids to the bus stop and pretty quickly struck up some conversation. I was hesitant to talk to her because I struck up a couple conversations with strangers, and none were well received.
Secondly, I have joined some Meetup groups on Meetup.com. Initially the majority of the groups did not appeal to me. Some were down right creepy, but I found two that seemed normal. I went to one play group and actually had a good time. I plan on doing things with them again, if the stars align. Every time something gets planned we have something going on or some kid gets a cold.
Lastly, we have started attending a church, which unfortunately is 45 minutes away from Kissimmee, but worth the drive. If you want to see where we go, check out www.kensingtonorlando.org
Here are some of the things I've learned about the Central Florida area so far.
1. While there are always exceptions to the rule, people here are generally unfriendly. I don't know if its because most of them are transplants like myself, or if its the heat, but people seem pretty crabby and mean.
2. The constant warm weather is really really nice. I am enjoying it a lot.
3. Everything is at least 30 minutes away, except the expensive grocery store, CVS, Walgreens and the liquor store. If we want decent restaurants or even Target, we have to plan on a 30 minute drive. I'm getting used to it.
4. Its the south, but its not really the south.
I'm hoping to update frequently on my adventures of making friends in CFA. Central Florida Area HOLLA!
Secondly, I have joined some Meetup groups on Meetup.com. Initially the majority of the groups did not appeal to me. Some were down right creepy, but I found two that seemed normal. I went to one play group and actually had a good time. I plan on doing things with them again, if the stars align. Every time something gets planned we have something going on or some kid gets a cold.
Lastly, we have started attending a church, which unfortunately is 45 minutes away from Kissimmee, but worth the drive. If you want to see where we go, check out www.kensingtonorlando.org
Here are some of the things I've learned about the Central Florida area so far.
1. While there are always exceptions to the rule, people here are generally unfriendly. I don't know if its because most of them are transplants like myself, or if its the heat, but people seem pretty crabby and mean.
2. The constant warm weather is really really nice. I am enjoying it a lot.
3. Everything is at least 30 minutes away, except the expensive grocery store, CVS, Walgreens and the liquor store. If we want decent restaurants or even Target, we have to plan on a 30 minute drive. I'm getting used to it.
4. Its the south, but its not really the south.
I'm hoping to update frequently on my adventures of making friends in CFA. Central Florida Area HOLLA!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Gun control hits home
As all of you may know, I struggle with the casual banter about and "funny" posts both for and against gun control. It turns my stomach and makes me shudder. Every time I see the "hilarious" pro gun images, all I can think about is my mom. And I wondered how to articulate why this issue is so anger inducing for me. So I did a little research on the internet, and this seemed to sort of hit the nail on the head. Please bear in mind that it is an editorial article so, while it contains facts, the facts are being used to argue one person's point. I needed it for the numbers though. Please take a look at this article if you want, and see how the presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the odds of a woman dying.
http://www.stltoday.com/news/opinion/columns/the-platform/editorial-domestic-violence-and-guns-make-lethal-combination/article_eaf7cf5f-ca77-5ef8-bd68-cacf4c694b6c.html
I'm not asking you to agree, but I just want people to realize that guns make it easier to kill people, and not just bad people. I fully support American's right to bear arms, but I don't see any harm in enforcing more stringent background checks and laws that protect women/men/and children from domestic violence. I think that state laws are able to enforce it more practically but when states fail to do so there needs to be another way to keep people safe.
This article also illustrates the role of guns in domestic violence murders.
http://www.safenest.org/blog/article/?id=88&a=comments
If you don't want to read it then don't, but ignorant comments will be deleted so don't waste your time.
Domestic violence resulted in the death of my mother. Had a gun not been present in the home, I truly believe she would still be alive today.
http://www.stltoday.com/news/opinion/columns/the-platform/editorial-domestic-violence-and-guns-make-lethal-combination/article_eaf7cf5f-ca77-5ef8-bd68-cacf4c694b6c.html
I'm not asking you to agree, but I just want people to realize that guns make it easier to kill people, and not just bad people. I fully support American's right to bear arms, but I don't see any harm in enforcing more stringent background checks and laws that protect women/men/and children from domestic violence. I think that state laws are able to enforce it more practically but when states fail to do so there needs to be another way to keep people safe.
This article also illustrates the role of guns in domestic violence murders.
http://www.safenest.org/blog/article/?id=88&a=comments
If you don't want to read it then don't, but ignorant comments will be deleted so don't waste your time.
Domestic violence resulted in the death of my mother. Had a gun not been present in the home, I truly believe she would still be alive today.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Sweet Long Goodbye
It truly has been a very sweet and very long goodbye. I feel like we've been saying goodbye to people for months, and yet now that its here, it seems too fast. I feel like I need to catch my breath, yell at the movers to stop packing for a minute, get my bearings, but then what? We leave in 2 days for warmer temps and sunny skies. I'm finally starting to get excited, but I'm also terrified. I see this house full of boxes, typing as the kids try to nap and the packers finish the basement and garage. Its the first moment where I've felt both, "STOP" and "can we just finish this already?"
As this chapter in our lives is wrapping up, God has been faithful to tie our most pressing things into nice little Christmas boxes. We will finally be closing on our house this week. 9 months after the offer was made. We say goodbye to our landlords with an arrangement we can all agree on, and I am so thankful for them both as their tenants and friends. We pray for them and wish them so much blessing on their path in the city starting a church. And we found a place, a beautiful rental to call home in Kissimmee, FL. Good neighborhood, good schools, and I can only pray, great friends.
Those of you that know me at all, probably know that I am a planner. I adapt, but don't enjoy change. I love my home, friends and family, and I am so sad to go so far away. But know that while I am not thrilled about this whole endeavor, God is growing me something awful, well something great too. He is testing my faith and most importantly my trust. I don't know a single soul there, but at every point in my life when I've needed a friend, God sent me just the right one. Some of you were just that person, at just the right time, and I am so thankful for the place you made in my heart and life. I only hope that you know who you are.
So I ask this, as I prepare to depart from Illinois. Pray for these couple things for me in the next few weeks. 1. Peace. 2. Bravery. 3. One good friend.
Please come visit us when you head to see that famous mouse . You know who I'm talking about. We'll even let most of you stay with us. And we'll even have enough room. But if not, we'll at least make you dinner one night. Much love to you all.
As this chapter in our lives is wrapping up, God has been faithful to tie our most pressing things into nice little Christmas boxes. We will finally be closing on our house this week. 9 months after the offer was made. We say goodbye to our landlords with an arrangement we can all agree on, and I am so thankful for them both as their tenants and friends. We pray for them and wish them so much blessing on their path in the city starting a church. And we found a place, a beautiful rental to call home in Kissimmee, FL. Good neighborhood, good schools, and I can only pray, great friends.
Those of you that know me at all, probably know that I am a planner. I adapt, but don't enjoy change. I love my home, friends and family, and I am so sad to go so far away. But know that while I am not thrilled about this whole endeavor, God is growing me something awful, well something great too. He is testing my faith and most importantly my trust. I don't know a single soul there, but at every point in my life when I've needed a friend, God sent me just the right one. Some of you were just that person, at just the right time, and I am so thankful for the place you made in my heart and life. I only hope that you know who you are.
So I ask this, as I prepare to depart from Illinois. Pray for these couple things for me in the next few weeks. 1. Peace. 2. Bravery. 3. One good friend.
Please come visit us when you head to see that famous mouse . You know who I'm talking about. We'll even let most of you stay with us. And we'll even have enough room. But if not, we'll at least make you dinner one night. Much love to you all.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side
We are headed to a sunnier part of the country. A winterless, soulless place where sweaters and snowy Christmases don't exist. For those who don't already know,we are moving to Florida. I have to admit that I am terrified. I have lived in the comfortable Midwest my entire life. I love it here. I love Chicago football, falling leaves and pumpkin bread, and I love my family and friends. If I tried to pretend that I'm not having a hard time with this, it would be futile. I know me, and my family knows me, and I'm just not that person that can fake it. I am frightened that I won't make friends, or find a place to fit in. I'm scared that I'm going to hate it. I don't like sand or the ocean. I don't really like Disney. So now what? Keep on the sunny side. Let's list the positive things about moving to the Orlando area.
1. Its warm all year. (Both a positive and a negative). However, this means not lugging around heavy coats, boots, car seats and what have you. I don't have to trek three smallish kids in and out and on errands in snowy weather. YAY!
2. We will be living in a place TONS of people visit at least once a year, which means, I hope, that we will have lots of visitors stopping in for dinner and conversation and helping us stay connected back home.
3. Full day kindergarten. Need I say more.
4. I won't be working for a bit. Which is also both good and bad. I need to get the kids settled once we go, and the cost of living is slightly lower where we'll be. So I may have the opportunity to stay home with the kids instead of working. I am both excited and terrified by that prospect. No offense to SAHM's but won't I get bored? How will I make friends if I"m not working?
5. A fresh start. Its a little exciting. Moving away and starting completely over. I can be whoever I want to be. Maybe I'll pretend to be British. I can't talk in an English accent and act as though a sweatshirt really is a jumper, not that we'll be wearing them all that often.
Right now that's the best I can do. But pray for me, and for my family, including all the extended family we are leaving here in Illinois to go on this adventure. This is a hard move for everyone, but a necessary one. I am trying hard to rely on God and not worry about all the things I could be worrying about. But that is also difficult for me.
"Beloved listen to me. Don't believe all that you see. Don't you ever let anyone tell you that there's anything that you need, but me." - Derek Webb
1. Its warm all year. (Both a positive and a negative). However, this means not lugging around heavy coats, boots, car seats and what have you. I don't have to trek three smallish kids in and out and on errands in snowy weather. YAY!
2. We will be living in a place TONS of people visit at least once a year, which means, I hope, that we will have lots of visitors stopping in for dinner and conversation and helping us stay connected back home.
3. Full day kindergarten. Need I say more.
4. I won't be working for a bit. Which is also both good and bad. I need to get the kids settled once we go, and the cost of living is slightly lower where we'll be. So I may have the opportunity to stay home with the kids instead of working. I am both excited and terrified by that prospect. No offense to SAHM's but won't I get bored? How will I make friends if I"m not working?
5. A fresh start. Its a little exciting. Moving away and starting completely over. I can be whoever I want to be. Maybe I'll pretend to be British. I can't talk in an English accent and act as though a sweatshirt really is a jumper, not that we'll be wearing them all that often.
Right now that's the best I can do. But pray for me, and for my family, including all the extended family we are leaving here in Illinois to go on this adventure. This is a hard move for everyone, but a necessary one. I am trying hard to rely on God and not worry about all the things I could be worrying about. But that is also difficult for me.
"Beloved listen to me. Don't believe all that you see. Don't you ever let anyone tell you that there's anything that you need, but me." - Derek Webb
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Kindergarten
I feel like I'm always posting about how I have somehow missed a huge passage of time. But seriously. How is my baby starting kindergarten in a couple of weeks. This little thing is reading, doing math and draws like a 7 year old. Am I bragging? Maybe a little. But seriously she grew up over a summer. She is on the taller end of the charts for the first time ever in her life. How did that happen? When does it stop? I love this face. She is fun and sweet and caring and growing up entirely too fast. Say hello to my grade schooler. I'm going to look away so I don't cry.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Beating a Maimed Horse
I am appalled and broken by the way that Christians are treating other Christ followers, and by how they treat those outside the Christian community. I could go on and on with specific details but that will only stir up controversy, and while that is sometimes necessary, that is not what this post is about. But honestly friends, the name calling, condemnation, finger pointing and better than thou attitude is what is chasing people away from church! I'm not sure what you all don't see that?! I find it fascinating that people say that God is not about love. I'm not sure which God you speak of, but the one I know, the one that calls to me from scripture is ALL about love.
13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
(This excerpt is thanks to http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1John%204&version=NIV)
Seriously. Straight from the scripture. I guess the great debate then comes down to what it means to love. I am no great scholar, but I am a student of love. I KNOW what it is to love and forgive despite the darkest of circumstances. Love is freeing and love is liberating. We are not of a faith of fear. This faith is one of grace and sacrifice.
I could quote a million verses about love. There are so many in the Bible. Equally there are verses calling us to holiness. But without love, how can we ever be holy? I refuse to fight with you all about what that love should look like, that, I think, is a personal calling. Each of us are compelled by a deep passion calling us to serve in a particular area, but truly and honestly, I feel that my calling is to LOVE those around me. Someone once told me as they teased and joked about someone else that a lot of people prefer not to spend time with, "Sam, its not fair, its not the same, there isn't anyone that you don't like." While that may not be entirely true, I'd like to think that regardless of my personal affinity for a person, I am able to set that aside and treat the person with as equal respect as someone I'm very fond of. I don't have to like you to love you, but if I really love the way God calls me to, I will eventually be able to see things to like in you because I took the time to love you the way God does. We can treat each other with respect. We can keep each other accountable in a way that is less threatening and demeaning, in a way that offers the respect I'm sure we so equally desire. We can have differing opinions and let God work it out in the end.
This has been a rambling post, but I just feel so lost and broken in all of this. I know my heart. I know the hearts of my friends, but as I grow older, I am beginning to see the things in the church and in Christians that drive people away. Its off putting, but to some its like taking a whip and driving stripes into the backs of the people God called us to love. We don't need to do that, because God already took the stripes for us. Put the whip down friends.
1 John 4
New International Version (NIV)
On Denying the Incarnation
4 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3 but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.
4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5 They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. 6 We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit[a] of truth and the spirit of falsehood. God’s Love and Ours
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
(This excerpt is thanks to http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1John%204&version=NIV)
Seriously. Straight from the scripture. I guess the great debate then comes down to what it means to love. I am no great scholar, but I am a student of love. I KNOW what it is to love and forgive despite the darkest of circumstances. Love is freeing and love is liberating. We are not of a faith of fear. This faith is one of grace and sacrifice.
I could quote a million verses about love. There are so many in the Bible. Equally there are verses calling us to holiness. But without love, how can we ever be holy? I refuse to fight with you all about what that love should look like, that, I think, is a personal calling. Each of us are compelled by a deep passion calling us to serve in a particular area, but truly and honestly, I feel that my calling is to LOVE those around me. Someone once told me as they teased and joked about someone else that a lot of people prefer not to spend time with, "Sam, its not fair, its not the same, there isn't anyone that you don't like." While that may not be entirely true, I'd like to think that regardless of my personal affinity for a person, I am able to set that aside and treat the person with as equal respect as someone I'm very fond of. I don't have to like you to love you, but if I really love the way God calls me to, I will eventually be able to see things to like in you because I took the time to love you the way God does. We can treat each other with respect. We can keep each other accountable in a way that is less threatening and demeaning, in a way that offers the respect I'm sure we so equally desire. We can have differing opinions and let God work it out in the end.
This has been a rambling post, but I just feel so lost and broken in all of this. I know my heart. I know the hearts of my friends, but as I grow older, I am beginning to see the things in the church and in Christians that drive people away. Its off putting, but to some its like taking a whip and driving stripes into the backs of the people God called us to love. We don't need to do that, because God already took the stripes for us. Put the whip down friends.
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